As I write today, I’m at a café, seated between two different friend groups, each comprising 6–7 women who seem deeply at ease together. I confess, I’m envious. Have you built something like this in adulthood? If so, how did you do it?
August featured a second round of summer travel, centered around doctors and clinics in San Francisco. I also made a quick stop in Mexico City to check in on my pickleball project. The travel is exhausting but seeing the best healers makes it worthwhile.
Back home in Madrid, I am contentedly in monk mode—sleep, gym, work, cook, pickleball.
🔹 Learning to breathe again
During my Bay Area visit, I was particularly impressed by the folks at Movement by Design, a biomechanics clinic. They are helping me heal old compensation patterns and learn to breathe, stand, and walk correctly. If you can, go spend a week with them. 10/10
If I had to pass along just one gem, it would be to start massaging your abdominal area. The psoas and diaphragm muscles play central roles in breathing, stress, and posture—including lower back pain (!!)—and are self-massage-able via the abdomen. (Here’s a tutorial. I recommend a 5" massage ball like this one.)
I was also diagnosed with Babesia, a tick-borne infection that co-occurs with Lyme disease. Babesia can cause “air hunger,” among other strange neurological symptoms. Another wrinkle in my ongoing exploration of breathing and health issues.
🔹 Elementary, but not easy
My friend Jake recently joked that therapy insights are hilariously obvious in hindsight:
Ask for what you want!
Don’t assume the worst!
Take a breath when you’re upset!
Fair point. So, welcome to another edition of "what I learned in kindergarten today." 😆
In my July letter, I wrote about learning to tell the truth, even when it costs me connection. My big “aha” was that I almost always feel better for having revealed my truth, even if I don’t get what I want.
A month later, I’m dusting off a deeper cut. (Moving along to first grade here… )
When I withhold, two things happen.
First, trust erodes. People can sense that something is off, even if they never say it. Coming clean later is harder, and full repair can be difficult.
Second—and less obviously—the tension that builds inside can later come out as forcefulness when I eventually communicate. At times I’ve made regrettable decisions from that accumulated tension.
I fail to reveal when I’m scared what will happen afterward. But I fail on how I reveal because I’m scared that revealing alone isn’t enough. Some young part of me believes that my truth must be accompanied by force so that adult me doesn’t abandon himself.
In both cases, the assignment is the same: reveal what’s true, without deciding—or needing to know—what comes next.
How are you? What lesson are you re-learning this season?
Love,
Taylor
📍in September/October — Madrid 🏠, Barcelona 🥒, NYC 💼