Life updates:
- I’m in Mexico City this week, taking full advantage of $35 private pickleball lessons. I haven’t felt this excited to develop a skill since I was in 4th grade practicing trumpet 3 hours a day.
- I’m doing a 500 pull-up challenge for June. This coincides with being at my heaviest weight ever (~197 lbs). After being weak, tired, and in pain for so long, I’m grateful this feels attainable. As of day 1, I could do 6 pull-ups from a dead hang in a single set. Let’s see where I land at the end of the month.
A few nuggets from my world:
Is emotional resilience the #1 life skill?
I’m starting to think it is.
If we accept that:
- Relationships are the most important part of life, and
- Every relationship is essentially a negotiation, then
- Acting out emotions is sabotaging these vital negotiations
If, however, you can sit through burning emotional discomfort without reacting, you can engage more honestly, assertively, and strategically—making requests, being persuasive, holding your ground, walking away when appropriate, and so on.
If that sounds cold or calculating, you’ll hate Orion Taraban’s new book, The Value of Others. But I think it’s brilliant—an unflinching, behavioral economics + evolutionary psych take on romantic relationships. Highly recommend it if you’re up for a bit of uncomfortable truth.
If you want to accomplish anything, kill your darlings.
In my 20s, I was proud to be an “idea guy.” I also got very little done. Not a coincidence.
By 30, when I had the idea for Focusmate, I’d failed enough to know that building something meaningful would require focus. That meant cutting off everything—even good ideas—that didn’t serve my mission.
Saying no to those “darlings” was scary. But not as scary as repeating my old patterns. For the next few years, I asked myself one question constantly:
“Will this help me build my business?”
No rationalizations. No “maybe I’ll meet someone useful at this party.” Just no.
This principle extends beyond distracting ideas to friendships, social obligations, unnecessary spending, and more.
Most distractions are just echoes of an identity we’re clinging to—like being an “idea guy” or a “good friend” or “a fun person” or or or.
Since letting go of the “idea guy” identity, I have felt so much lighter and more powerful.
Neuronutritionist Tim Frie has changed my relationship to food.
Food and eating has been probably my most significant coping and self-soothing mechanism.
In a case like mine, where food isn’t just fuel but is actually deeply entwined with my trauma, you can’t just turn a few knobs to find the ideal diet.
Neuronutrition is an approach to food and eating that centers the nervous system.
A core principle, therefore, is that a healthy diet is one that doesn’t stress you out, because stress is far more damaging than virtually any unhealthy food.
This one idea blows up about 90% of nutrition content online imploring us that this superfood or that fasting regimen is the silver bullet.
I’ve spent so much of my life stressing about diet. For the first time in my life, my mental chatter about food is gone. I feel peaceful and empowered.
Follow Tim on Instagram, work with him, or train with him at the National Academy of Neuronutrition.
P.S. Tim doesn’t know I’m sharing this. He’s just one of those people worth amplifying.
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