A hard truth about chronic illness: sometimes you just don’t have the energy to write your August newsletter.
I had a bunch of travel last month: Idaho for a Lyme clinic follow-up, Colorado for my 40th birthday, Mexico City for a romantic exploration, Vermont to have my palate expander installed—and my body just couldn’t handle the load.
As a result, I’ve had some form of a fever for at least half of the last month and have been doing the bare minimum.
So, here we are, in September. I asked ChatGPT how to make this process easier, especially when my health is on the ropes. Let’s see how this goes.
Life updates
I’m leaving Boston. I got hives and rashes all summer there (the nervous system under heavy chronic load can produce many other symptoms), so, after consulting with doctors and the internet, I’m heading to Denver.
I still plan to test drive Málaga, Spain, for a month during the depths of winter. And I anticipate I’ll continue spending time in Mexico City too.
Is this overly ambitious given my health? Perhaps. But it’s hard to keep the adventuring spirit locked away entirely.
On being soul-blocked
What do you do when you have lofty goals for your life, but some obstacle is in your way? Caregiving an elder. An unexpected child. Being sick, like me.
It’s fun when life gives you a clear vision and a wide-open lane to run towards it. But a lot of the time, we just aren’t in that position.
I launched Focusmate in 2016 and went hard until 2020 when my health crisis began. Since then, I’ve had to dramatically change how I lead that business, in order to do it in just a few hours per week. Needless to say, that isn’t the best way to grow a young startup.
But Focusmate is far from my only dream. I’ve also had to shelve or slow-roll other desires like learning guitar and writing. Even dating is dramatically harder when you’re sick, let alone hopefully starting a family, one day.
So, what do you do when you’re blocked like this?
You can’t force it, but you can’t repress your dreams either.
You have to live in the in-between: holding the vision, chipping away when possible, and continuously challenging your assumptions about what’s possible… while also validating the difficult reality you live in, and sometimes accepting that it’s just not going to happen right now.
I’d love to hear—what have you learned about navigating difficult circumstances and in-between times?
A truth-centered approach to love
A little-known secret about me: I’m more mystical than I sometimes let on.
In fact, the book that’s had the most influence on my life is Carol K. Anthony’s esoteric guide to the 5,000-year-old Taoist text, the I Ching.
Her core teachings are on living your life in alignment with your inner truth—aka the Tao, the flow of the universe, or, if you prefer a more western angle, God’s will.
Recently I learned that she wrote a concise aside on what the I Ching has to say about romantic love. I devoured it whole on my last flight.
I’ll be honest, this little book brought me back from the depths of cynicism about modern love. But not because it has anything to do with modern love (it was written pre-internet).
This book is a vivid transmission about staying rooted in the deepest places within yourself. Refusing to play games. Living for the innate reward that is doing what your heart desires, so that you can detach just a little bit more from the outcome. And how much more attractive all of that makes you.
As I read, I found myself breathing easier about my romantic future and ability to find happiness.
Whether you’re single and in despair or 30 years deep in a rewarding marriage, this 148-pager is absolutely worth your time.
Or you’ll read it and think I’ve gone off the deep end. But I’m okay taking that risk.
And that’s a wrap for this edition!
Love you,
Taylor